I can't believe that 2014 is over. I know that it's cliche, but time really does fly by fast. 2015 is finally here.
With a new year comes new opportunies for growth.
2014 has been a rollercoaster ride for me. The feeling of losing something that was/is important to me was painful (still hurting). I have lost loved ones and friendships. I realized that not even intangible things are permanent. There are just some broken things that cant be mended by the word "sorry". At the same time, the feeling of a new path ahead and new experiences has lifted up my spirit. The crazy yin-yang of life. Why do we have to hurt to learn?
On another thought,why do i have to be so damn emotional, empathetic at this time of the month? (gosh i hate being a woman sometimes)
After the passing of my grandma last October, i felt really shattered. Two months after, my grandpa joined her in paradise. I was devastated. Miserable. I was barely recovering from the pain, and i felt like i just took another bullet shot to the chest. How do you get up from being thrown down twice? I was lost.
I didn't feel motivated to do anything productive. I lost interest in working out, eating healthy, and going out of the house (cold weather and living far from family and jeff didn't help as well). All i wanted to do is lay down in my bed for hours, play videogames and be alone. I think this was the first time in a long time when i actually felt depressed about something. And i hated talking about it with someone because in my mind, i didn't want to bother my loved ones with such silly, indulgent conversation. In the process of fighting my own battles, I felt like I have pushed some people away. Those who wanted to care and who wanted to get me out of the trap that i have created myself. It sucked.
Anyways, i feel a little better now. Just like any wounds, my broken self needed time to heal.
I welcome the new year with new hopes for experiences that will help me become a better, stronger person. I might be taking baby steps, but atleast I am walking forward..
Monday, January 5, 2015
Monday, November 17, 2014
Healing Hearts
Sharing my other passion. :) My personal statement for grad school:
Healing Hearts
When I was in elementary school, my sister and I would go to my father's clinic after he had seen all his patients. Growing up, I have seen the work that he does as a physician and always told myself that I wanted to grow up just like him. I played with his black stethoscope, putting them on my ears, usually the wrong way and pretending to hear my sister's heartbeat. At that time, she was diagnosed with a condition where a valve in her heart was not working properly. "Lub, dub, dub," the sound resonated to my ear as I place the bell of the stethoscope at the left side of my sister's chest. With that one simple gesture, I would assume that I made my sister feel better. After some trips to the hospital with her when I was nine, paired with bottles of medications she had to take, I knew that my simple gesture was not even close to heal her sickness. I wanted to show her that I cared, so I decided to give her all the love I can give thinking that it might be the one cure to heal her broken heart.
A professor in anatomy when I was in college said that the heart has two parts: the one that loves and the one that pumps. If you're going to spend the rest of your life fixing broken hearts, you might as well learn how to fix both parts because you can't fix one without the concern for the other. I worked in the medical field for this reason. I became a critical care nurse three years ago and worked in a county trauma hospital serving the underprivileged, high acuity population. I had the challenge of being compassionate for patients who have little to no resources to buy antibiotics or pay for surgery; who have been abandoned by their relatives; and who have yet to accept the terminal nature of their diseases. I got little to no sleep on most days. Although very exhausted after a long 12-hour shift, I was content and happy.
One particular night, I had a very sick patient. I walked in to our unit with the sight of a massive blood transfusion machine in Room 26, the room of the patient I was assigned to care for that night. My patient had been bleeding from an unknown source and had been taken to surgery three times already. As I was doing my assessment, I noticed on the monitor that his arterial line had a flat waveform. I checked it and felt that he didn't have a pulse. "Code Blue!" I yelled. I immediately started chest compression, and as I was looking onto his face, I whispered, "Please, don't give up!"
After 20 minutes trying to resuscitate the patient, blood stains on the white linen sheets, a half inch thick paperwork for the blood transfusions and medications, we got his heart to beat again. After stabilizing him, I took him to the cath lab where the doctors discovered a rupture in his lumbar artery. They embolized it and took him back to the ICU. That night, I worked hard to keep him alive until the next shift. Couple of months later, I walked by Room 26 and saw him sitting on a cardiac chair with his mother at bedside. He was off of the breathing machine and although unable to talk because of his tracheostomy, he had that gleaming look in his eyes that said "Thank you for saving my life." That moment is one of those moments when I realized that this really is my passion. Medicine, as I have always imagined it, is something that alleviates pain, cures sickness, saves lives, and overall just makes the lives of many people better: I want to be a part of that.
Being a nurse lets me take part of the ever changing health system. The years I have spent working in a hospital with direct patient care and evidence based-practice have prepared me to succeed in this field. Nursing has showed me the importance of therapeutic communication and the difference that an encouraging smile or helping hand can make in healing patients. In addition to that, I have also learned that knowledge and being current with the best practices can result to better patient outcomes. I would like to advance my career because I want to expand my role as a nurse. I want to be able to do more for my patients especially the underserved and vulnerable population. Being a nurse practitioner will provide me a better understanding of the science of nursing and will give me the professional means to diagnose, prescribe, and overall manage the care of patients from all walks of life.
I am ecstatic that a chance to make a difference in someone's life by playing a new role in this field has finally come. Advancing my career is something that I have always desired. I want to heal broken hearts better and of course, better the life of many people through health care. For the past years that I have engaged in the medical field, from my sister who had a heart disease, to the patients I care for every night including my patient in Room 26, I have learned that love alone nor stethoscope alone is enough to heal a broken heart. I am excited and eagerly awaiting for the chance to continue to practice and learn both and more.
Healing Hearts
When I was in elementary school, my sister and I would go to my father's clinic after he had seen all his patients. Growing up, I have seen the work that he does as a physician and always told myself that I wanted to grow up just like him. I played with his black stethoscope, putting them on my ears, usually the wrong way and pretending to hear my sister's heartbeat. At that time, she was diagnosed with a condition where a valve in her heart was not working properly. "Lub, dub, dub," the sound resonated to my ear as I place the bell of the stethoscope at the left side of my sister's chest. With that one simple gesture, I would assume that I made my sister feel better. After some trips to the hospital with her when I was nine, paired with bottles of medications she had to take, I knew that my simple gesture was not even close to heal her sickness. I wanted to show her that I cared, so I decided to give her all the love I can give thinking that it might be the one cure to heal her broken heart.
A professor in anatomy when I was in college said that the heart has two parts: the one that loves and the one that pumps. If you're going to spend the rest of your life fixing broken hearts, you might as well learn how to fix both parts because you can't fix one without the concern for the other. I worked in the medical field for this reason. I became a critical care nurse three years ago and worked in a county trauma hospital serving the underprivileged, high acuity population. I had the challenge of being compassionate for patients who have little to no resources to buy antibiotics or pay for surgery; who have been abandoned by their relatives; and who have yet to accept the terminal nature of their diseases. I got little to no sleep on most days. Although very exhausted after a long 12-hour shift, I was content and happy.
One particular night, I had a very sick patient. I walked in to our unit with the sight of a massive blood transfusion machine in Room 26, the room of the patient I was assigned to care for that night. My patient had been bleeding from an unknown source and had been taken to surgery three times already. As I was doing my assessment, I noticed on the monitor that his arterial line had a flat waveform. I checked it and felt that he didn't have a pulse. "Code Blue!" I yelled. I immediately started chest compression, and as I was looking onto his face, I whispered, "Please, don't give up!"
After 20 minutes trying to resuscitate the patient, blood stains on the white linen sheets, a half inch thick paperwork for the blood transfusions and medications, we got his heart to beat again. After stabilizing him, I took him to the cath lab where the doctors discovered a rupture in his lumbar artery. They embolized it and took him back to the ICU. That night, I worked hard to keep him alive until the next shift. Couple of months later, I walked by Room 26 and saw him sitting on a cardiac chair with his mother at bedside. He was off of the breathing machine and although unable to talk because of his tracheostomy, he had that gleaming look in his eyes that said "Thank you for saving my life." That moment is one of those moments when I realized that this really is my passion. Medicine, as I have always imagined it, is something that alleviates pain, cures sickness, saves lives, and overall just makes the lives of many people better: I want to be a part of that.
Being a nurse lets me take part of the ever changing health system. The years I have spent working in a hospital with direct patient care and evidence based-practice have prepared me to succeed in this field. Nursing has showed me the importance of therapeutic communication and the difference that an encouraging smile or helping hand can make in healing patients. In addition to that, I have also learned that knowledge and being current with the best practices can result to better patient outcomes. I would like to advance my career because I want to expand my role as a nurse. I want to be able to do more for my patients especially the underserved and vulnerable population. Being a nurse practitioner will provide me a better understanding of the science of nursing and will give me the professional means to diagnose, prescribe, and overall manage the care of patients from all walks of life.
I am ecstatic that a chance to make a difference in someone's life by playing a new role in this field has finally come. Advancing my career is something that I have always desired. I want to heal broken hearts better and of course, better the life of many people through health care. For the past years that I have engaged in the medical field, from my sister who had a heart disease, to the patients I care for every night including my patient in Room 26, I have learned that love alone nor stethoscope alone is enough to heal a broken heart. I am excited and eagerly awaiting for the chance to continue to practice and learn both and more.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Fit Journey
Hello all!
A couple of years ago, i hit my highest weight of 140lbs. I ate all sorts of unhealthy food, and I never did anything active, let alone stepped my foot inside the gym.
One day, I looked at an old photo of mine: I was eating at Elephant Bar with a couple of friends. There were fried foods on the table, and I was holding a cocktail (I think it was a long island). My belly was bulging out, and I can barely see my chin. I was smiling, yet I know I wasn't happy. I have gotten too comfortable with everything that I have completely let myself go. My heart slowly broke with that image stuck in my head. I got home and decided that I can look and feel BETTER about myself.
I changed my lifestyle because:
1. I realized that if ever there's a zombie apocalype, I'd be the first one to die because I can't run for my life. I remembered when Jeff was trying to push me to be healthier. We would use the fitness center in the university and try to run on the track. I would make excuses (i have asthma, i have bad lung etc) and not do it. I was short of breath without finishing a lap. I hated it.
2. I feel empowered when I know that i can make a CHANGE in my life. Yes, you can and you will. I joined a local gym in Dec 2011. I kid you not, i didn't go to that gym for 3 months after signing up. Haha. It took me awhile to take the first step, but I was glad I did.
3. Progress keeps me going. Most of the time, I take photos of myself after a work out. I made an instagram that was fitness-related to keep track of how I was doing w/ my fitness journey. Although I have taken maybe thousands of photos of myself in workout clothes, my progress wasn't all about looks. I felt stronger and healthier. For the past 2 years, I have done three 5K races (it's not that many) and a half marathon. That is something that I will never do back in 2011. I have been able to lift heavier weights and I can lift my patients easier. ;)
4. I feel more productive. I play videogames, and had I not change my lifestyle, I would fall into the stereotypical image of a "gamer". People who play videogames can also be fit. They don't just sit around and eat left-over pizza all day and sleep. Ever since I started working out, I had more energy to do things. I go hiking on summers, and I go snowboarding during the winter.
5. I must say, fitting nicely in to clothes I see at the store really does make me feel a little better about myself. Honestly. And with that, I can probably say that I have developed a higher level of confidence in myself.
6. It's actually pretty addicting. I don't know if it's the progress, the challenge or the feeling it gives you, but working-out and being healthier (relatively) is something to look forward to every day. I find myself getting more veggies whenever I go the to grocery store as opposed to potato chips without even thinking about it. Subconsciously, I think I make better food choices nowadays.
Although I have lost weight and eventually gained some back again, I still feel better about myself and my body now. Throughout the past years that I have changed my lifestyle, I think I had a better understanding of how my body works and what works for me. I have learned to love myself more.
Truly, in the end, that is all that matters.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)